It was a really lame p-day today. Basically all we did was buy the food for the
week and chill in the house. I wanted to
study with my companion, but he didn’t really care at all, so we just did a
really long personal study. I can’t say I
hated it, because I honestly really love studying the scriptures and I never
have enough time on a normal day to study as much as I want to. We had several hours today to just read and
learn and I used it to make lessons that I can use later on in my mission.
Miracle #352: Not much has
happened today except that I downloaded the Book of Mormon in Portuguese and
realized that I can understand it all.
There wasn’t really a funny part of the
day either. The truth is that Elder
Corbo didn’t want much to do with me today, so we didn’t talk much until the
evening. He really is a nice guy, but he
is a lot like me and I guess we clash a bit. I finally convinced him that we need to contact in order to find new
people to teach. He wants to drop all of
our current investigators because he thinks that they are not progressing.
This afternoon we had a really good
spiritual lesson with a less active family, but in the end the wife still
insisted that she didn’t want to go to church.
It is the story of my mission, that I teach a lesson that feels as
though it is meaningful, but it doesn’t make any difference in the lives of
those I am teaching.
August
27, 2015
Well today our District Leaders (yes we
have two of them) wanted to do divisions.
Today was just an Argentinian swap because Elder Torres is the new DL
and he is from Argentina. The day really
wasn’t too bad, it wasn’t blow your mind good, but it wasn’t awful either. We ended up doing a fair amount of
contacting, but the people didn’t care much about our message.
Miracle #353: One change ago
Elder Torres was in this zone and I really didn’t like him, but after today, I
like the guy and think he will be a good DL.
The fun part of the day was going
through my boxes of ties with Elder Torres and sorting through them all. It took way too long. Other than that, the day was pretty
boring. Elder Corbo and I fixed a few of
our issues this morning. This was the
first division that I have been on that
was just okay. Usually they are
either incredibly good, or everything falls through and you accomplish nothing.
The frustrating part of the day was
seeing how disobedient the other companionship is….they wake up late, come home
late, and stay up way too late to exercise at night instead of in the morning.
August
28, 2015
Ughh, well today was rough. It started out again with Elder Turnow and
Elder Alstrom picking a fight with me while I was working out. It ended up with Elder Turnow
spewing a bunch of crap at me. I was all
adrenalined up from my workout so I got ticked at him. I am sick of all the drama, so I changed the room all around so that I can do my workouts as
far away as possible from the elders who like to sleep in every day.
Miracle #354: We had a really
fantastic lesson about The Book of Mormon and in the end, the whole family was
in tears.
The fun part of the day was when the
zone leaders showed up to our house to “have a chat” because of the complaints
about me. Elder D. gave me some really
great advice. But, the most frustrating
part of the whole situation is that Elder T. tries to correct me and then goes
and is super disobedient. Hypocrisy has
always been something that I hate and it was more than a little gratifying that
30 minutes AFTER curfew, when the ZLs finally left, Elder T. was still not back
at home. Elder D. looked at me and said,
“I get your point, but be patient.”
August
29, 2015
I did everything that I could today to
be obedient and work hard. In the
morning we left the house to go to some citas that ended up falling
through. I made a ridiculous contact
with someone about the weather which ended up with a very cool lesson where I
bore my testimony about the church. It
was pretty cool. I love thinking of
different ways to contact people. This
morning was kind of a flop to be honest.
Lunch was horrible. It actually made me want to vomit because it was
drenched in grease.
Miracle #355: We had a soccer
BBQ activity that was a decent success.
Around 10 less active members came and a few investigators came too.
August
30, 2015
Well today I got calls from all sorts
of leaders because I lost my temper with Elder T. again. Our ward was divided
as far as missionary work goes, but we have people who are progressing that
live in their part of the ward. The rule
is that if they are progressing, that you can continue to teach them. Well Elder T. just wants the investigators so
he claimed that they are not progressing and said that they are his to teach
now. Seriously, 2 of my families are on
date to be baptized in September and he is stealing them. Bottom line
is that I yelled at him and he immediately called “someone” and within a few
hours I got a call from the president.
Miracle #356: I am really
trying to not care about the mission drama because I know that I am working to
the best of my abilities.
The funny part of the day was hearing
yet again that I would be a leader already if I didn’t have a temperament like
I do. Well I know better because harder
personalities than mine exist in other missionary leaders. I love being a
missionary, but I hate the politics and the drama. I am working my butt off to try to be obedient
and truly love the people so I have to just focus on that.
August
31, 2015
I am having some off days. Today it was hot which made me remember how
hard summer is for missionaries. We
tried passing by a ton of contacts but it didn’t work out really well. I am really sick of mission drama and I hate
letting it suck me in. The thought that
I have a whole year left of this just makes me want to be done. This morning
the district meeting was once again specifically targeted at me. The
topic…humility. I am sick of being told
how huge my problem is. Despite not
wanting to, I worked today, and I worked hard.
Miracle #357: We were walking
in the street and we found 2 sisters from the ward going to visit someone they
didn’t know. I knew her and was able to
take them to her and introduce them.
I am wiped out, probably because of the
sun. I feel a lot like I did when I was teaching swim lessons! The fun part of the day was probably
exercises in the evening to appease the other companionship. It was good fun because 3 of the 4 elders did
it together.
September
1, 2015
I really am having a hard time with
mission politics. Today I figured out
that I can feel better by just going out and doing missionary work. I like doing contacts and visiting the people
I love. My companion really doesn’t care about any of our investigators and he
wants to drop them all because many of them are not progressing. I suppose he is right and we should just do
more contacts to find new investigators.
It is HOT outside lately so I cut my hair super short. It feels good.
Miracle #358: My companion got
up early today in order to do morning contacts and I found someone new to
teach.
There were a few funny parts of the
day. The President called 4 times today,
the first two we were in a lesson. It was
freaking us out a bit, especially me -
thinking now what have I done? When we
finally called, it turned out that he had the wrong number. I am also in the process of teaching my
companion how to speak English words other than cuss words and dirty
phrases. I think that he has the
potential to speak English really well it he practices, but he doesn’t want
to. Overall I am feeling a little better
today, but still really discouraged about my purpose in the mission.
September
2, 2015
Honestly
Mom a few days ago the only thing that kept me from saying "I’m done"
was my pride, the very thing causing my problems. I am doing better than
I was a couple of days ago, but I have to figure out what to do with my
future. It´s fast Sunday so that´s
probably a good opportunity for me to figure some things out.
The politics are really getting to me. You have to
learn how to play the game and the problem is that I don't want to play the
game, so I always end up on the short end of the stick. See, other people are
snitching and ratting on me, but I don't snitch and rat on them, and therefore
I’m always getting in trouble. In the long run I know it is
not right to snitch, but in the short run it's miserable. I’m okay being on the
bottom of the pile, I just don’t like it when people are jumping on the top of
the pile like a trampoline. The frustrating thing is that they don't give
a crap about whether missionaries willing to be obedient and work, and work
hard.
I really don't feel like I am making personal progress in the mission, serving
a purpose to those around me, like I am being an effective missionary, making any
kind a contribution to the mission in a positive way. I wonder that if I came home if I could make
better personal progress than I am making here. I don't think anyone should
have to be in circumstance where the living conditions and environment are so
stifling that you can't progress. I mean, I KNOW I can progress on the
mission... but is it really more progress than I would see at home? Everyone
would tell me that I should stay, but then they just put me down!
I know the members love me and even my investigators love me, but it
doesn’t make them want to progress or change. I can just keep going for
another year... but is it really worth it? I honestly don’t want to have
ANY regrets and if I came home now I know that I would have a ton of regrets.
I WANT to work, I even want to work with my companion, he is a good guy... its just all of
this other crap that is getting to me.
Keep me in your prayers and I will really be thinking
about it this week. I don’t know if I’m
being a drama queen or if this crap really is as bad as I think it is, but I know
can do it even if it is not the best thing for me.... that’s one thing insanity taught
me. In the inspiring words of Shaun T., "YOU CAN DO IT"
shouted by a ridiculously ripped black man.
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